bad days and baked goods

Lest you think from my last post that life is sunshine and skipping my way to full health, let me dispel that quickly. Today I am having a bad day. Today, I'm angry.

That's something I think women don't say enough. Hey, today I'm pretty mad and frustrated. It's not a great day for me.

I'm working on being okay with the roller coaster of emotion that's come with the past few months. And I've realized that I have a tendency to hide my bad days. Slap on a smile, flash a thumbs up, everything is okay, really no I'm great but let's also have an entire bottle of wine for dinner I'm buying!

You, too? It's exhausting. It makes me feel sicker. More injured. So yeah, I'm having a bad day - what of it?

Today, I'm in so much pain from physical therapy that I couldn't wear pants to work because I can't physically stand to pull them over my hip. I'm bruised from top of the hip to mid-thigh. I mean, pants suck, but it's nice to have the option.

So today, I'm mad because of pain. I'm mad that each step I take today feels like I'm being punched repeatedly in the hip - a feeling I thought I left behind when I ditched the crutches. 

I'm mad that today, I can't quiet the voice in my head that wonders if I'm ever going to go back to normal - that is afraid that for the rest of my life, I'll have to define my physical abilities as "pre-injury" and "post-injury."

I'm mad that I can't do a squat. I'm mad that I can't walk between locations greater than five minutes apart. 

I'm mad that Facebook "On This Date" made me cry this morning. What the hell, Zuckerberg?

I'm mad. And you know what? Admitting that I'm mad makes me feel a little better. Life comes with bad days - it's high time we all started laughing and sharing why we're having a nasty one.

Here are my steps for a bad day : admit it. Work through it (thanks for reading as I worked through mine). Do something else.

Like bake! For me, homemade baked goods are the ultimate comfort food - except things with cheese. That's pretty great, too.

I was going to write a post about summer fruits, about cutting them up for a cobbler when they're still warm from the sun and how perfectly ripe flavors of the season are almost a religious experience - but really, all you need to know is that this cobbler tastes like happiness. It's simple and filled with love. It's not healthy, and it's perfect.

It fixes bad days. Even mine.

peach blueberry cobbler (adapted from Smitten Kitchen)

1 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup cold unsalted butter (2 sticks or 8 ounces)
1 egg
1/4 teaspoon salt
Zest and juice of one lemon
4 cups fresh blueberries
1/2 cup white sugar
4 teaspoons cornstarch

optional : 4 peaches, grilled and chopped (or raw and roughly chopped)

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease a 9×13 inch pan.

2. In a medium bowl, stir together 1 cup sugar, 3 cups flour, and baking powder. Mix in salt and lemon zest. Use a fork or pastry cutter to blend in the butter and egg. Dough will be crumbly. Pat half of dough into the prepared pan.

3. In another bowl, stir together the sugar, cornstarch and lemon juice. Gently mix in the blueberries and peaches.

4. Sprinkle the blueberry mixture evenly over the crust. Crumble remaining dough over the berry layer.

5. Bake in preheated oven for 45 minutes, or until top is slightly brown.